Animal Machine

THE ANIMAL MACHINE is a large, colorful tube, big enough for a person to crawl through.

A WOMAN

We’re fine. Then I let you in. I say, “Come in”, and you do.

A MAN enters the tube.

Cum, I mean.

A MAN crawls.

And then you’re out.

A MAN emerges. He’s wearing a brown bear mask.

And you’re different.

A MAN growls.

Carnal and carnivorous. Like a bear.

A MAN notices A WOMAN.

There’s this rhyme they tell you, so if you’re ever lost in the woods and you see that big shape moving toward you, you know what to do.

“If it’s black, stay back.

If it’s brown, lie down.”

A MAN attacks A WOMAN.

A WOMAN lies down and curls up into the fetal position as if dead. A MAN tries to pry her open.

So at first I do. Because that’s what they tell you, you know? I just lie there, all clenched and curled... With my teeth gritted and my fists tight. And I just hope and hope and hope that they’re right. That when you’re done with me, there will still be something left.

A MAN continues manhandling A WOMAN

Until--

A WOMAN uncurls. Lashes out at A MAN.

FUCK THAT.

A WOMAN growls. A WOMAN produces a mask seemingly out of thin air. It is the mask of a black bear. A WOMAN chases A MAN into the animal machine.

ANOTHER WOMAN and ANOTHER MAN emerge from the animal machine.

They are dolphins.

ANOTHER WOMAN

But it’s not always like that. Sometimes, it’s like this.

She kisses ANOTHER MAN. Pulls him to her. Their hands move over one another’s bodies. Sheer enthusiasm. Beat. ANOTHER MAN pulls back.

ANOTHER MAN

If this is too fast...

ANOTHER WOMAN

She’s laughing. He’s laughing. So much dolphin-laughter. She pulls him down on top of her, onto the ground.

Do I look like I need you to go easy on me?

She locks her knees behind his back.

ANOTHER MAN

Just wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.

ANOTHER WOMAN

I can take it.

They kiss. Roll together on the floor.

ANOTHER MAN

I’ve never met a girl like you.

ANOTHER WOMAN

They’re all like me. You just don’t know it. They’re afraid. They’re not allowed to say. I don’t care what I’m not allowed to say. I want you. This. Now.

She rolls on top of him.

A MAN and A WOMAN (Also dolphins. Yesss, more dolphins!) emerge from the animal machine.

A MAN

Other times, it’s like this.

A WOMAN lifts ANOTHER WOMAN off of ANOTHER MAN and carries her to the animal machine.

A MAN takes the place of A WOMAN on top of ANOTHER MAN.

ANOTHER MAN

Out of any animal --

A MAN

A bonobo. No, a dolphin.

ANOTHER MAN

You knew what I was going to ask you! How did you know what I was going to ask you?

A MAN

You. I know you.

ANOTHER MAN

Why a dolphin?

A MAN

Because they--

ANOTHER MAN

Sex for pleasure.

A MAN

You knew what--

ANOTHER MAN

You. I know you.

They kiss.

A MAN

And you?

ANOTHER MAN

A person.

A MAN

That doesn’t count.

ANOTHER MAN

I didn’t say except for.

A MAN

Fine. Why a person?

ANOTHER MAN

Opposable thumbs.

A MAN

I don’t believe you.

ANOTHER MAN

Then why? Why would I be a person of all things?

A MAN

Simple.

He pulls ANOTHER MAN’s hip against his own.

Sex for pleasure.

Bites ANOTHER MAN’s lip.

ANOTHER MAN

A pleased, seductive dolphin-laugh.

Exactly.

A MAN

But why not a dolphin?

ANOTHER MAN

You can’t do the really interesting things if you don’t have limbs.

They entangle. Use their limbs to their advantage.

Suddenly, A WOMAN and ANOTHER WOMAN come roaring out of the animal machine.

They are Komodo dragons.

A MAN and ANOTHER MAN scream, disentangle, and flee into the animal machine.

ANOTHER WOMAN

You were supposed to stand up for me.

A WOMAN

It was every man for himself.

ANOTHER WOMAN

We weren’t men. We were girls. We were fucking children. And you were my fucking sister. And you were supposed to stand up for me.

A WOMAN

We weren’t children. We were never children. You don’t ever get to be a child, growing up in a family like ours. Know what we were?

Beat.

We were Komodo dragons.

ANOTHER WOMAN

Fuck off.

A WOMAN

Hissing. At a stage whisper:

We were dragons. Monsters, yeah?

She creeps in close, carresses her sister’s arm with a dangerous intimacy.

We had silky scales that sliced if you stroked them the wrong way.

On the word “sliced”, she digs her nails into her sister’s arm.

We had sinewy strength. We had mouths full of teeth covered in skin and when we bit--

She mimes biting her sister’s arm.

When we bit, we broke the skin of our teeth and our mouths filled with blood. Our own, and eachother’s. And there was also spit. And disease. And hunger. Mostly our mouths were filled always with hunger.

ANOTHER WOMAN

It wasn’t fair.

A WOMAN

Nothing is.

ANOTHER WOMAN

I was too young.

A WOMAN

Life’s rough, kid. Sometimes you gotta hide up in the trees where no one can eat you until you get big enough to eat them right back.

ANOTHER WOMAN

Together. We could have taken them down together.

A WOMAN

Still would have had to grow up some day.

ANOTHER WOMAN

You’re heartless.

A WOMAN

Better that than toothless.

ANOTHER WOMAN

Just because I don’t bite dont’ mean I don’t have teeth.

A WOMAN

Prove it.

ANOTHER WOMAN

Every man for himself, huh?

A WOMAN

Way of the world, sister.

ANOTHER WOMAN barrs her fangs. She lunges at A WOMAN. They devour eachother alive.

A MAN and ANOTHER MAN crawl from the animal machine.

They are... men.

They come across the corpses of the Komodo dragons. Circle them. Perhaps prod them.

A MAN

Look at that.

ANOTHER MAN

I’d rather not.

A MAN

We’d better get this cleaned up, then.

A NOTHER MAN

Ugh.

A MAN

Well I can’t do it by myself.

A MAN and ANOTHER MAN carry first one woman, then the other, into the animal machine.

They return.

Gnarly, though. Right? The things that animals do to eachother.

ANOTHER MAN

Sickening.

Beat.

Kinda sad.

A MAN

Kinda...badass.

ANOTHER MAN

You’re disgusting.

A MAN

They ate eachother alive! Imagine that. Think how much simpler the world would be if when you pissed me off, I just--

He jerks toward ANOTHER MAN aggressively. ANOTHER MAN jumps back in alarm. ANOTHER MAN retreats, laughing meanly.

ANOTHER MAN

You heard from Marshall lately?

A MAN

What the fuck’s that got to do with anything?

ANOTHER MAN

Just haven’t heard you talk about him for a while.

A MAN

Marshall’s fine. Still in Iraq. Jesus. What, did you think now that Obama’s in office Marshall’d be back home with his feet on the coffee table, prick in one hand and beer in the other? Don’t work like that for fuck’s sake.

ANOTHER MAN

Alright, Jesus. I wasn’t trying to start something.

A MAN

I mean, what? It’s not the same, if that’s what you were saying. What Marshall’s doing, that’s... Patriotism, nobility, all that good shit. It’s not animal. It’s not that.

A MAN angrily indicates the animal machine.

ANOTHER MAN

Well it’s not any better.

A MAN

Excuse me?

ANOTHER MAN

Forget it.

A MAN

EXCUSE ME?

ANOTHER MAN

I said just drop it, okay?

A MAN shoves ANOTHER MAN. Grabs him by the collar of his shirt to scream in his face.

A MAN

Pussy like you don’t have no right to talk about soilders.

A MAN tries to shove ANOTHER MAN to the ground, but ANOTHER MAN overpowers him and throws him to the ground instead.

ANOTHER MAN

World seems pretty simple how it is.

ANOTHER MAN straightens his collar. Turns and walks calmly off the stage. (NOT to the animal machine.)

A MAN turns and spits blood onto the stage. A beat.

A MAN

Fucking pig.

Silence.

The lights fall.